Let Alone Wiped Clean, Let's Start With A Whole New Slate

With everything that has been going on lately this blog has completely gone out of my mind. With thanks to a friend who has been sharing his blog with me lately, I've decided it's time to start committing to it again.

One of the most significant features of the past couple of months has been the therapy I've receiving for my depression. It's helped me learn a lot about myself and where my insecurities and issues stemmed from. It's now just a case of learning to change my mentality into a more positive outlook, and to stop "emotionally self harming" by blaming negative that happens to me on myself.

I've mentioned several times before the issues I have with my job, but with thanks to the inspiration from my internship at the Desgin Museum in their press office, I am now actively looking for a new job. I'm worried this may be a poor judgement as no job appears to be safe at the moment, but I feel if I don't make this change it will only continue to grind me down.

Also until very recently I've been unsure as to whether or not I wanted to start dating again or not. I've started talking to guy that has kind of wowed me and I'm unsure if his suggestion to meet is for the same reasons I'm wanting to, but it has made me realise just how much I miss the companionship. Even if we just become friends, I'm grateful he's helped me come to this realisation.

He suggested that we meet on Thursday (after several messages back and fourth trying to narrow down the best day) but he had to rain check at the last minute as he couldn't get out of his original plans. I'm hoping this wan't a fob off as he seems quite genuine and honest, it was also his suggestion to meet after all, I guess only time will tell!

I'll write more over the weekend about the past couple of months, this was just my warm up....

Quick Update!

I've been lame at updating this, but I've got lots to say, including planning a trip (see map below) details to follow this weekend. I hope.

• Create your own travel map or travel blog
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UPDATE PENDING!

I'll be overhauling and updating this blog in the next couple of days!

Long time no see

Lot's has been happening in the past couple of weeks so I've not had a lot of time to write on this, I finally managed to make some progress in my career by getting an Internship with the Design Museum in the Press & Comms. dept.

I've met a lot of nice new people recently as well which has helped me learn a lot about myself. In my mind I've set a date in my head to actually go and some travelling next summer, even if its just for a few weeks. I will go to South America then finish off with a few of the big US cities or go to Borneo to see Oranutans in the wild, I've had to put this off for the past 3 years in a row so I need to stop procrastinating or finding excuses and just go, even if it means doing it by myself.

I'm also going to be some volunteer work with a charity called Pace, this will help me professionally but it's also a charity I feel is deserving of some of my spare time. House viewing is now in full swing so hopefully a new abode will be sorted very soon.

A few other bits to mention but I will write about those separately over the next couple of days.

Photographs and poetry

Have a look at one of my Photo's along side a beautiful poem by Jacqueline Williams Bourgeois of "Cords and Threads" here. Happy to see my amateurish work put to such good use!

You can see more of my work on my photography blog

Rage, Socialising and Culture

I've been making a lot of important decisions and changes over the past couple of weeks and put the wheels in motion to kick start my career change. The house hunt is now in full swing and I'm continuing with the mission to get in shape.

I've also been attending a couple of social and networking evenings, one in particular was run by the BBC LGBT where I met some very interesting and friendly people who I hope I will be able to stay in touch with both on a personal and professional capacity.

On Monday this week I attended a discussion and social group called TwentySomething which is run by the charity PACE. Some of the guys from the group I've been going to on a Friday came along as well so it was nice to see some familiar friendly faces.

Each month they concentrate on a specific topic, this month was all on self-esteem. It was quite therapeutic to share personal thoughts and feelings on this with a variety of men from different back grounds but also quite unsettling to reveal insecurities at the same time.

We also briefly discussed the topic of why a lot of men, especially gay men, struggle to express and show their true feelings. A book called "The Velvet Rage" was recommended to us if we wanted to read up on the potential issue further. This isnt really an issue I feel I have myself but I know plenty of people who do, and as I have an interest in psychology I may add this to my reading list.

I feel like escaping the City this weekend, making use of my camera a bit more and may be getting some culture. I may also go to the Biggin Hill Air Show with a work friend which will bring back some fond childhood memories. I'll share my latest pictures what ever I do I'm sure.

Updates

I've now updated my "About Me" & "Connect" pages - take a nosey!

More decisions

So it came to light this week that I'm probably going to have to move house again, my other housemates are wanting to move on because we have all got to the point where we are fed up with fighting our landlady to make simple "wear and tear" repairs to the flat, among many other factors.

I've contemplated making the most of this opportunity to change city, be it in the the UK or abroad, as I've mentioned before. Also with my contract coming to an end at work at the end of the year I'm trying to decide if this is the perfect opportunity to make some changes. I have all these ambitions with regards to my career and travelling but I always end up finding an excuse not to pursue them. This is another stress I feel I don't really need at the moment but also equally a welcome distraction.

I've been going to a social group in Islington over the past couple of Fridays which has been a brilliant way to start widening my social circle in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere. Its also helped to face some of my daemons, I just wish I'd known about this group years ago. Typical small world I know someone who use to go there but I'm not going to let that put me off as it actually emphasises how positive going will be for me.

Through My Viewfinder

I spent the day today walking around town with my newest toy, my Digital SLR, it's my cheer myself up treat and something that I've wanted to buy for a long time.

Once I've refined the skill I'm going to work on a photography project. Take a look at my first few attempts here.

I now have to decide what route I want to go down with my project.......

A change on the horizon?

As I’ve vaguely mentioned already, over the past of weeks I’ve had a pretty rough ride. It’s really making me consider what I should do next? I’ve been looking into a career change for a while, but having little to no luck. I’m finding it increasingly harder to find the self-confidence and self belief I can still pursue my dreams and ambitions.

I’ve always wanted to do something creative or helping people and struggled for years to define exactly what I want to do. I’ve gone from design, to nursing, to creative communications (whatever that may be). After spending a lot of time with one of my best friends whose been looking after me through all this I had the opportunity to meet an artist friend of hers who was visiting from Canada.

I chatted with them both a lot and they’ve made me realise that once I’m in a better position to do it I should stop finding excuses, as I always manage to find one, start looking after myself more and go out to find what my next challenge is.

I’ve been considering doing this in various ways – a new job in London? New job, new city in the UK? Travel? Or even look into working abroad for a few months to broaden my horizons. This something I’ve wanted to do for years but never really found the right opportunity or time to do it. It’s an experience I would have liked to have shared as I’m not the most outgoing or confident person but may be this would help with that as there is no one to even consider sharing this with at the moment.

I got in touch with a friend who moved to Hong Kong after university and asked her for some pointers, I’m not sure China would be a place I’d want to work, although it is on my list of places to visit. She gave me some very frank advise that I hadn’t taken into consideration but helpful none the less.

I’m hoping that in the next few weeks I’ll be able to set some firm decisions, which is exciting and daunting. Either way I’m hoping for some new challenges and experiences over the summer and hopefully defining what I want to do as a career more. Still pursue something in the creative industry, potential involving communications in some way? Maybe something involving Social Media which I’m finding more and more interesting or may be something completely different.

Time to do so serious thinking!

The Power of Now

On the advise from 3 different friends, all of whom have varying personalities, I've decided to start reading this book by Eckhart Tolle over the weekend. This isn't my first genre of choice, and I've never really given consideration to self help books before, but I'm going to trust their judgement. Watch this space for some changes....

My Technology Can Save The World

I spent last night at the Dana Centre, which is part of the Science Museum, attending a talk on geo-engineering called “My technology can save the world”. We had 3 very compelling theories proposed to us on how new pieces of technology can be introduced to assist in the fight against climate control and CO2 emissions by Tim Fox, Lindsey Malcolm and Nem Vaughan. The ideas were:

~ Artificial Trees - in lamens terms an electronic air filtering system
~ Bio-Char - remvoing the CO2 from the air and storing it in ways it can be reused for "green" methods such as crop fertilisation.
~ Photo-Bio reactors - creating bio-fuel by removing CO2 from the air to aid in the growth of the algae which can be converted into a fuel source.

As an audience we were then given an opportunity to grill the panel on their theories before voting, “Ready, Steady, Cook” style on which theory we favoured. The winner, with a large majority of the votes, was Tim Fox with his Artificial Trees.

Appreciation for the words

I've always enjoyed listening to the lyrics in a song, and appreciating the meaning behind the words not just the music. This is one of my all time favourite songs, it happened to come up on my iPod yesterday, for the first time I realised just how poetic the lyrics actually are. - Enjoy!

November Rain
by Guns'n'Roses

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain


Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Chris Ofili

I had a heck of a lot on my mind on Saturday, so I decided to use my tried and tested cure. I plugged in my iPod and just started walking towards Central London. I ended up at Tate Britain where the Chris Ofili exhibition was in its last few days. I've wanted to see this for some time and this was going to be my last opportunity as the exhibition ended on the 16th.

It was extremely interesting; it was shocking and very original. You could tell there was a lot of passion and thought behind all of his pieces. They were mostly made up of Elephant dung, glitter and map pins, these probably shouldn't work as a medium for art especially on canvas or linen, but for some reason him it did.

I have a feeling I'm going to need a lot more of these trips in the coming weeks so next I think I'll give Henry Moore a shot!

I'm back and here to stay

I use to be a blogger until the end of last summer, I stopped as I started to find it too time consuming finding things to ramble on about. Due to recent events I've found writing therapeutically cathartic again so I’m going to give it another shot. Sadly I was unable to resurrect my previous account so I’m starting from scratch.